Hey Mama-

It's 730 days without you. It's crazy to think that just in another 365, it'll be over 1,000 days. Counting time has became a habit of mine, but your memories and the nostalgia I get whenever I think about you trumps what it feels like to be devastated to move on without you. But if I had a reason to move on, the reason would be multiplied by six and they would be your children. You truly created a legacy and for that we will always reminisce on the days we had with you. I know you're watching over us, and this might seem redundant, but I believe you will never get tired about hearing about your children. So let me give you more of that luxury. I love you. 

Andrew Michael. I will always remember the day you told us that you named him after a hurricane; for that is exactly what he is. He has that much impact on the people he surrounds himself with. He is a comedian currently, what he has wished to do for years now, and the picture above was taken at one of his gigs. This guy doesn't brag, but if he had anything to brag about, it would definitely be how funny and blunt he is. He is you, but a guy. He's caring, crazy, and wants nothing but the best for those he loves and will continue to lead them towards building the best person that they can be. Andrew, who is 25, recently took on the role of being a full time dad to almost six-year-old Blaze. I am so proud of him. I didn't think he could get anymore humbler, but here he is. Andrew is thriving in Illinois. He is working on himself, at a car factory, and at home with his child. He is the best big brother I could have, and has became such an influential part of my adulthood, even after not keeping in touch with him for a few years. Andrew doesn't speak of missing you, mama. but I know that he does. He wishes things could have been different, but he does not regret it. He will continue to be the best person that he can be. I can promise you that. We miss you.

Alison Marie. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that this girl is stubborn, brilliant (when she wants to be), and reckless. She is 22, has been raising herself since she was 16, and has always taken the role of being the person I learn from. She often thinks she's going nowhere, and if she keeps telling herself that, she'll get to where she has to be a lot slower than this beautiful being has the potential to. Alison has been in a relationship with Rob for longer than you have passed, and of course you know about him, but what you didn't get the chance to experience is their even more vibrant ups and downs. They're definitely at one of their downs right now. That's an understatement. But if Alison couldn't get out of this, she wouldn't be your daughter. She wouldn't be living up to her namesake. She is so beautiful, mom. And she's being stupid- I can hear us laughing about it knowing that Alison would agree in some ways. She'd then have too much pride to let people's words effect her world as much as it maybe should. She is so family oriented with us girls as well. She is a matriarch already, so emotionally ready to make a family. She's grown so much since being a devil child and a juvenile teen. I love her beyond words, and she's beyond devastated about the last conversation you two had before you passed. I know you don't hold it against her but I'm hoping she knows that too. Please watch over Alison the most, she needs it. Alison will make it. She's just gotta breathe and utilize her natural talents for better things. We miss you.

Marrisa May. She's your stepdaughter. And look at this; we were the first of your children to graduate! You're definitely proud of us, it's something you and the first two children struggled with and it's something we've been waiting for for a long time. Marrisa is eighteen; she's courageous, hardheaded, and kind. She wants to go into psychology. She was going to do that at Sage Albany, but she tried and tried and couldn't see herself rising to the surface and succeeding over there if it started bumpy. It's what really concreted most of her decisions this past few months. She's better off following her heart, that's when she does best. Marrisa and I have been feuding a little bit, but it's making up for the years that we didn't have one another in our lives. I'd be lost without her existence. She guided towards finding my best friends, two beautiful girls who I would give my life to protect if I had the chance. Marrisa has this urge to protect me though, come to think of it. If she could, she would wrap her arms around me and never let me go, so that nothing can harm me. Little does she know that's my job. Marrisa is a freaking intellectual with a corny sense of humor, and her hair is a lion mane. She recently met this boy named Shaun, mom, and it's crazy because it's not like us to grow up and be adults. Marrisa talks of you like it's a different lifetime, but it's never terrible. I'm sure she has an idea that our whole childhood is your hard work. We miss you.

Emily Teresa. Senior in high school, almost 17 years old! I have always associated her with you. She has always been attached to your hip. If anyone would seem more lost without you, it'd be my Emma. She has a beautiful way of making things seem like they are tragic, but they are over and we must move on. She is resilience, she is uncertainty but she doesn't let it take over her. She has control of her life, already. You know how many times she's been told she has a learning disability. And yet they still tell her after years and years of not having help. She was put in classes with an extra teacher and had extra time on her tests. But her own struggles, her battles with material in classes, she had to deal with on her own. You trusted that she'll be okay. It's taught her to be independent, but independent with so many questions I know that if she stopped asking them there would be something wrong. There was a change in her the past year. She would always place things on me, she barely wanted to get out of bed, never did any chores. The ones she did, she touched the surface and then disregarded them. Since then, she woke up one day and decided things were going to be okay. She gained more independence, and she has started to trust herself. That is all I ever asked of her, and she succeeded. She is succeeding. I cry at the thought that she's doing this (she's also enlisting into the army), after what she went through with you. What I would give to cleanse her of that. But, still, she wants to be in the medical field. I've never met a more beautiful warrior. We miss you.

Adrianna Jean. Let me tell you I am proud of your last baby girl. She is slowly becoming a woman, and of course I'm being dramatic because she's only twelve. Somewhere inside of me I am deeply worried those years that are creeping up on her are going to be like mine, or she's going to be in the mindset that I was in. But a big part of me knows that she knows her worth. I can credit most of that to you. You have always known her worth. She's so beautiful. She loves food, and YouTube and fighting with Emma. Funny she encompasses more than that even though that's all she emits to the world. She is such a leader too. I would assume she was an older sister if I didn't know her. She is, but she hasn't gotten much of a chance to be one just yet. Her time to shine will come. She may be only a little over a decade old, but she remembers things as if she has lived through many. She is a light to everyone she meets. Her friends have hugged her and let her know she's been such a big part of their lives, and it's funny because they don't know the half of it. Your youngest daughter is the president of her class, mommy. She won elections. She blames it on being one of the only ones who were running, but the fact that she had the motivation to, and she asked for help on the speech she presented, is all the more reason to be proud of her. She doesn't speak much of you, but I know that if I gave her the choice between spending time with you and going to Disneyland, she would pick you in a heartbeat. That's how important you were to her, you were her heart. She relied on you, and you relied on her. We miss you.

Joshua Wayne. Six years old, and getting the chance to be a big brother. Big Josh has a girlfriend named Shakita, and that's her little boy. I am happy that he gets to be so happy. I want him to desperately remember you. Maybe one day, I'll get the chance to. Your response to this would most likely be that we will eventually know him. And not just have an idea of him. I loved having him here during my prepubescent years, even though I complained and loathed being blamed when he would catapult off of furniture and kamikaze out of his high chair. Allie would say that Josh did it intentionally because he thought it was comical or he wanted attention. See, even then he had a personality and he didn't even know what that was. I treasure the fact that I got to go see him in December 2016. He smiled, radiated, never wanted get out of the water because we were at the beach. We looked at the sand sculptures that were part of some competition, and he had so many questions, mom. My mind was clouded with thoughts of you, but I saw you in him and it made me happy. I wish that the girls and Andrew saw him that day too. And that dad got to see him too, mom. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to love him even just for a little while. It has been one of the biggest blessings to us all. You made a terrible choice, but something that's so beautiful and so worth it came out of it. He loves school and loves interacting with his teachers and the kids there! He talked about this little boy named Luke last time I saw him and I don't think I've ever been that jealous of a little boy because he got to see Joshua everyday. He's beautiful, and you're his mommy, regardless if he knows it or not. We miss you.

We will always miss you, mom. I hope to one day name my first girl after you, and to love my babies just as much as you loved them. Keep resting easy, mama. We'll take it from here.

[My reasons for living. My two oldest siblings don't really take as many pictures as they should, so I played off Andrew loving his hobby, and Allie posing because she's always been good at that because she's beautiful. Marrisa's picture showed a big accomplishment instead of catching the essence of her (I looked for a specific picture and couldn't find it. Emily's picture has comedy to it because she hates it but I love it. Adrianna's is taken from my camera roll at her 12th birthday party. She has since then started to look more like her age and it's scaring me but it's beautiful that I get to witness it. And Joshua's picture is taken from Shakita's Facebook; she is such a gift because that is where I get most of the recent pictures of my baby brother. The title image is a quote from Pinterest that was labeled under a category that said "Family, Friends, and Significant Other" and it couldn't be even more applicable to all of those situations. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/189151253083310346/?lp=true]