Hey, you've got this.
What is with the constant change? How the wheels on the bus of life go 'round and 'round but they don't ever make a pit stop? You can't get off at an exit until you're through. This is so frustrating.
You're getting consumed with all of these changes. Whether it's work, school, family, self depiction, or significant others, it all comes and goes. Is it with age which is associated with time? Yes. Is it with lifestyle changes and preferences morphing into something else entirely or maturing? Hell yes.
Still it does not wait for you and it often feels like maybe it should.
Mindsets take forever to mold into something you want it to. You go through school, saying that you don't want to be there anymore, and placing assignments on the back burner or possibly your appearance because maybe it doesn't matter to dress up for something that's mandatory. Then you come to the realization halfway into your last year that you should make something out of it as opposed to dwelling on not choosing to be there. Coming from me, I joined track & field, I competed in two state competitions, I got supporting roles in my drama club productions eventually performing for a regional theatre at an annual award show, I got my interview broadcasted in front of hundreds of drama students from other schools, I was at the top of my class in my second school and I wore makeup and dressed mostly in things that complimented my shape. I did more than I ever did in the last three years in just ten months.
And I wish that I had that mindset all throughout those years. And I want more than ever to not move on to college because I was just getting started.
Now let's move on to family. I know a special person in my life that has spent the last ten months in and out of different homes due to the complications within her family, this person has been deliberately knocked down in so many ways. Things have been changing, and it most likely feels like it has been for the worse, and I wonder just how much the person misses how it was before. Had it not been for what went on, would they want things to rewind? Would I in my circumstances? I have spent this past year suffocating my family with love and as I grow older, my relationships with my sisters change. I remember when I used to take them for granted, when I had much more leeway and so many more opportunities to spend time with them as a unit. In the present, it's like I have to take turns almost, and now they probably find me annoying. But wow I don't want it to change. I want them to always know they have me, and always know they are my whole heart.
If you are my age, you might feel the same. Like you have to move out because you're not little anymore, you're not the age where your parent would set you in their lap and kiss your cheeks. You might want it back.
Now let's take something as alienated as love lives. You might be dating this person, and you might look at yourself in the mirror and wonder why they would have an interest in you. Or you might find how much they like you suspicious because god has it been so long since someone wanted to love you and didn't need to. It honestly makes you uncomfortable. So you cut it off coldly, not intentionally, but you're so indecisive maybe it was intentional. A duration of time passes, and now you feel alone in that aspect. In retrospect, you realize that that person wanted forever, and now that you do, you feel like you met them at the wrong time. But it's all said and done, and now they're a different person and possibly the different mindsets would clash. I was 16 when I was this person, and 17 when I had it done to me. It's crazy because you know that eventually things will settle and you will find the person you're meant to be with, but why in the hell could it not be that person? Why do I have to find another one, and promise them the world with the chances that they don't want it?
Your indecisiveness is everything, but don't forget that you are the only person that you can control. The only life that you can recalibrate but not particularly choose results for is yours.
The future is bright, still. There is so much discouragement that you go through throughout your life, but don't let it permanently discourage you. You are bigger than this, you know what you want and shouldn't let your confidence shrivel.
The world might be scary, but you're ready. Believe it or not. You're ready for that new love, the stages of relationships with your family, to educate yourself far more than you thought you'd ever get the chance to. Get used to change, become familiar with improvement, because that is all that your future can do.
Jump right in.
[Picture is an excerpt from a popular song called "These Days". This song gives me nostalgic vibes and reminds me that my love for the past AND the future is essential. It can be found here: http://auclip.net/autag/rudimental-lyrics/ ]