To the Person Who Wanted Forever

"It wasn't long enough to complain", 

"Drop them, you deserve better", 

"Love isn't real anymore".

                I want nothing more than to believe these phrases. But they're not true. I've sat here and dwelled on these. To try to justify that maybe a short duration of time is meaningless. Maybe the fact that most of the conversations being carried digitally allows for it to not matter. Maybe telling someone you love them and recollecting past experiences and attempting to talk about them positively is nothing.

              Things are not cemented in; I know that. But to say things, and to claim such force behind words and not backing them up is awful. But considering that everyone can hide behind their phone screens, can get away with saying things, shrugging, and hitting send, things are often disregarded. That "I love you", is not something you mean anymore. It's just a space filler.

It's not. And here's why.

              After getting used to someone, wanting nothing more than for things to stay, to stick, it's hard to separate yourself from that idea. You put your all into someone, you give them 100 percent, they say that they are but it's so clear that they didn't after it's over. It's not your fault. I, myself, have a tendency to pick the individuals who want someone to answer them, to need them, to cradle them. It's not a crime that you expected it back. And it's not to say that this person is absolutely the worst person on this earth. That they should never get a chance to start over, or to apologize. 

But it doesn't mean they're innocent.

            They might also say that they lead a path of destruction. That's what happens with the people you choose. They have conjured up this idea that there's no hope for them. There's always hope. And often times, they don't understand that it's like looking in a mirror. Or at a photograph or selfie from the past. You haven't always been dumped, you've had your chances to be the dumper. You haven't always been the person lucky enough to believe that you found your soulmate. You're also that person who's been friend-zoned a handful of times, who has friend-zoned amazing people who aren't the least bit compatible with you romantically.

You are more than one sided. They are more than one sided.

You're not unlovable.

And if you feel like you scared them away, it's okay, because you're strong and they just couldn't handle your intensity. They couldn't handle all these promises you weren't going to break, all these wholehearted declarations that meant everything to you, and you hadn't have said them if any part of them wasn't authentic.

           It's preposterous to think that I blamed myself for this particular break up. I believed for a second, almost fooled myself too, that telling him my past, and my common insecurities, was the wrong thing to do. That I should've just listened to his, and locked mine away. I fought myself with that. But if they can't handle that, if they can't comfort you, if they can't hold your hand without wanting you to do something more with your hands rather than to just be there for one another, they're not your person. If they claimed to listen, but wouldn't give you opportunities to listen yourself, they're not ready. Let someone else save them.

You can save someone worth saving. That will be your missing puzzle piece, and not from the wrong puzzle.

         Thank them for enabling you to realize that. For letting you be the person who tells your damn self to breathe. Thank them for giving your all and giving you the chance to be crazy about them, regardless of what you get back.

I want to thank this person. Thank you for letting the next person treat me like the princess that I am.

And there's a lot of fish in the sea, and you'll find your fish. But, for me, it's-