Being an adult is about entering and escaping.
Pulling and releasing.
You mold life for yourself.
Stretch, mesh, and chew.
Like gum.
And like gum, life can take quite some time to digest.
What I've failed to digest, since childhood, is that love is expendable, cheap, inexistant.
Love isn't any of those words.
Sometimes you get a piece of gum that's harder to chew between your teeth. The flavor doesn't suit your palette.
You question whether you should become accustomed to the flavor, or if you should look for another flavor.
Maybe you'd like a similar flavor?
Spearmint or peppermint?
Cinnamon?
Bubblegum?
Arguably nice and they all get the job done.
But preference is preference.
You also have comfortability.
"I want to chew this because I always have."
But do you like it?
How long does its flavor last?
What if it melts after being in your mouth for a while like JuicyFruit?
I wish I could've seen my own face when I figured that out the hard way.
I like figuring life lessons out the hard way. I've been told a lot recently that I need situations to go my way and if they don't, I'm easily flustered by the loss of control.
I find viewing this point of view difficult if I don't compare it to chewing gum.
The gum has a purpose, but you play with the piece between your teeth. You roll it along your tongue. You blow bubbles with it, swallow the taste that it emits.
My decisions will always impact the outcome as much as the next person. However, I am very forward and expressive. Especially if I like you. You will always know my opinion on you.
You will always know that I am chewing gum and everything about said piece of gum. How it tastes, feels, how long it’s been in my mouth.
A million outcomes surface from the decision making of whether or not to deepen relationships with people.
If I continue to work, to delve, to enjoy, then I will start to see the outcome.
Why I was chewing that piece of gum.
Why I gave people access to me.
Why I let your skin touch mine all those times.
Why looking at you is the hardest thing because you seem to look right through me, like you stretched the piece out and saw what was behind its thin layer. I still debate on most days whether the way you look at me is a good or bad thing.
Somehow, in this situation, my gum is getting better with time. It's a flavor I never expected to like. I am wishing upon it, praying it doesn't go away. Someone didn't enjoy my favorite, new-to-me gum. They tried, and still are actively trying to, make the whole world aware of their issue with the gum. I want them to leave my gum alone. My gum is everything I could've ever wanted. It deserves its breaks from me as well, to just exist.
You can't fix something that isn't broke. As an avid gum chewer, I won't try to fix what makes you the perfect piece of gum for me.
You are right where you need to be. In my mouth.
[Image Description: In the frame is a torso down to the mid-thigh of a body, more specifically a plus size woman faced to the side. She wears an orange sleeveless top and multicolored bell bottom leggings. The image itself is screenshotted from a video of said woman showing off her body. "The type of girl you wanna chew on all my bubble gum," is basically the reason behind choosing my own photo and own body. I KNOW I am someone's favorite piece of gum and I deserve to be. And so do you.]