“[R]eminscing about all the thousands of amazing memories we had together is a luxury I thought I’d have with you for life.” -Louis Tomlinson via Instagram.
Jarring. To say the least.
Time is so deceiving. You think you have so much of it, you spend a lot of it complaining (don’t judge me because that’s who I am), and then when you’re not looking it puts you in a chokehold, from the back! And then apologizes swiftly to provide you time with the loved ones you share with whomever time frankly stole from you.
I spoke about learning that my brother passed from social media. Worse way to find out, however I was thankful for the choice. A lot of celebrity families simply do not have the choice.
Media scrutiny following the death of Liam Payne is at an all time high. I have even heard that there possibly could be allegations from people in his past and that possibly could have related into his god awful death. I am a victim believer, by all means, but when allegations are allegations I will simply just leave it at that. Unless there is more light shed upon them, I’m going to give a respectful, loving goodbye to the person I thought Liam was and I am almost for certain was.
As an empathetic, nurturing person down to your bones, down to the cell level, you simply just do not meet people on that same wave. And if you do, it’s one in a dozen. Dare I say 1 in 20.
Liam has always given me fatherly vibes. Just a very intelligent person all around. And when you enter an industry where things come and go so rapidly that you won’t be able to process what happened till years ahead, that deteriorates at someone like Liam. I am so sorry to say. He’s had to have met more people he didn’t vibe with as opposed to ones that he actually vibed with.
And of course time twists its knife into the wound it already caused by also pleading that you delegate it and make everything special. Because imagine something so fleeting and you let it run away from you.
You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
There’s an idea that energy never dies. It’s a continuous cycle and recycle. I hope that loving energy that Liam was more capable of emitting, swaddles his son. And his memory too.
As I hope my older brother’s energy and memory swaddles his son.
You are not as replaceable as you think you are. To a place of employment, yes. But to people who value you and seek your comfort and serenity, you absolutely will leave a gaping hole in the ones you leave behind.
And I know our time is our time, but the coincidences in the cracks need to stop as well.
Parallel losses clustered together this month. Liam and my brother Andrew were born in the same year. With parallel lives, parallel mental health issues, parallel friendships and families. Similar talent, similar family dynamic, similar smiles and necessity in this life.
You guys were so needed. So cherished.
Are. All I can say.
[Image description: People talk about events not being coincidences. This picture is obviously one of their album covers. Arguably, the best album. This and Four in my opinion I love so much. Midnight Memories is iconic but not as cozy to me as the aforementioned. I loved this era of Liam. So full of energy. So full of life. The best smile and laugh. Absolutely the most necessary way to remember him. Rest in peace. Again, you deserved better.]