Why is everyone such a poser and what are we all so afraid of?
I am going to be brutally honest with you: I shy away out of fear that someone is going to raise their voice at me.
Proximity doesn't scare me. Balled up fists don't scare me. It is the elevated voice. The sharp eyes. The dislocated intent behind both of those choices that people make. The uncertainty behind their messages sends me into orbit.
The only voice elevation I do is curated to entertaining myself (singing, stims, large full of life laughs) and spreading love like a wildfire.
Y'all need to be sappier. I am sick of hiding pockets of me into corners. Like I'm some type of magician. I wish I had that intention behind my actions. I wish I was cool, whatever the fuck that means.
I understand to the highest degree how agonizing being new is. How agonizing blending into workplaces and homes is. Being an outsider is something I wear like a slapped nametag on my shoulder. A "kick me" sign. The dormant, insecure parts of me wake up whenever I am in unfamiliar settings.
However, I am reading a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker (also, not Google telling on this book and saying they might not have the correct author which is a whole can of worms in itself). I am reading it with the tenacity and speed of a tortoise, but all the same, I am absorbing so much and highlighting the iconic one liners that scratch the waves in my brain and relieve them. Why are there so many instances where people ignore their instincts? That good old reliable gut feeling? Y'all are just out here ignoring your body? Resisting the uncertainty and the flashlights in dark spaces feeling? I want to say couldn't be me, but it is. I slap my own cheeks (ON MY FACE) and tell myself to wake up. The author, whoever it is, explained the process of people fooling you and the tactics they use. Let me preface everything before directly quoting. Chapter 4 is iconic. The steps to the tactics that predators (who are human beings just like you and me) are:
Forced Teaming, Charm and Niceness, Too Many Details, Typecasting, Loan Sharking, The Unsolicited Promise, and Discounting the Word "No".
Please tell me you have a gist of them all by just reading the titles! If not, your survival skills might be needing a little tightening up, but what do I know. The author discusses a lot of ends all be all situations, like people who commit the most despicable atrocities, but what about the people who are in the middle? Which, by all means he does discuss this, but I would love to highlight such people as well. The people who won't fact check what they were saying. That will just take what they think they know about a situation, or what one person has told them, and spread that misinformation like wildfire. In its worst form, these people are controlling narcissists. In the mildest form, they are dopey coworkers that get the newbies in trouble because they trust their words and go off them. Fact-check everything with these types of people. They will have you looking so dumb.
Personally, I hate looking dumb and making mistakes, but baby a lot of the times, those don't correlate. Make mistakes and be confident in them and be confident in wanting to improve. I love looking back at myself and taking a breath and being like... Aaliyah, you cannot be serious. I like giving present me more grace than past me.
I am kind of defensive, which is obvious considering the title of this. Do you know how many people probably walk around with the subconscious thought of me being an airhead? Don't lie to me, I just know some people think I got nothing going on between my ears. In a perfect world, I could change all of those minds. But perfect is dystopian, and I'd like to say no thank you to a world like that. If my perfect world makes anyone consistently unhappy, I am happy to not be living in it. I like the mixture of being happy and unhappy for me. And for everyone else. Stay open minded. And also, open minded enough to realize that people will think you're dumb for being so accepting.
I will never relate to a person that is so closed off and so into the world that is directly right in front of them. As if it was a sticker on the wall and no one told me to touch it, my fingernail would be scraping the corner of that closed off mentality so quick. I might not rip off the sticker, but I will most certainly advocate for deeper, empathetic conversations and fray at that sticker so ravenously that I'll wipe away the wall from the sticker's residue. I will go as far as to say sympathetic as well. Recognize when you haven't been through something, but still hold space for them. Even when no one else is!
Go remember an acquaintance's birthday today! Or my favorite direct quote right now in the book aforementioned, "It is better to turn completely, take in everything, and look squarely at someone who concerns you."
[Image Description: Bro. SpongeBob SquarePants is throwing flower petals and Squidward while he stands at the cashier boat in the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob has a flower crown framing his face. These two characters are quite frankly, the two most misunderstood to an extent. Y'all ever been so happy to your core, so passionate about something you give your all to it, and you consciously always think about your friends and want to include them in everything? Most of you all cannot relate to that. Y'all ever been so outwardly miserable, that the thing you're passionate about is the only thing that can make you feel happy but people seemingly always want to sabotage that, and as soon as you let your guard down and let people have a win, you are still viewed as someone who tends to stay isolated and wants everyone to be as miserable as you even though a lot of the time you just want peace? I still feel as if a lot of people genuinely cannot relate to that. You can pull life lessons out of EVERYTHING. Life is so fun. Believe it or not, I'd argue that both of those characters would agree with me. Embrace yourself. Where I got the photo: Pin page (pinterest.com)]