All of this over a spilled drink on your shirt?
Yes.
I just told you the shirt was my favorite shirt. I felt super confident in the shirt; I was already told that the shirt was ugly. I asked for the person beside me to place the drink on the other side, since reaching over to get the salt and pepper shakers three times before the spill forced me to redirect the cup from tilting over the side of the table.
It's never about the spill.
I am very aware that accidents can happen.
I stem from large groups. Family, school peers, friends, coworkers, dances, public outings, everything in between. There is where I feel the loneliest.
The real kicker is I am that person that would stand beside you and wait for you to tie your shoe as the group we're with proceeds. To nod when you're storytelling and people are talking over you. Reassurance and consent are my middle names.
So, I am left to scratch my head as I wonder where that energy that I put out is going.
I thought energy never died, was never reabsorbed, could never be recreated. I thought it had the capacity to come back to you.
I have been proven wrong time and time again.
I value transparency above everything. Transparency's biggest enemy is the subconscious. Let's bookmark that for now.
Not feeling comfortable enough to express the change in your future planning due to past reactions is strikingly different than waiting to be updated on someone else's business that they already briefly mentioned and to which you negatively replied. Sitting on your hands because you feel entitled for someone to bring their belongings to you. No tiene sentido.
.... Anyway.
People might not realize that they feel a certain way about something. They might not realize that they react a certain way simply because they are used to not being checked for their behavior, or not being corrected, or not being educated.
A very general, drastic example of this is the way people react to MSG. The negative connotation of MSG literally stems from being discriminatory against Asian people. And if you cannot make the correlation, I am absolutely not here to spell it out for you. Google is free.
I am trying to think of a less drastic example of omitting the truth out of ignorance of that very truth, but I am all for the dramatics. I am sure it will come to me.
Religion exists because people needed a security blanket and comfort in a forever changing world?
Monogamy exists because the gender binary created by a patriarchal society stains everything that we partake in, including applying colors to genders and careers as well?
Negligence is abhorrent and vile and is only looked upon as the lesser of two evils in regard to abuse because negligence sometimes cannot be proven and isn't as prevalent as abuse is? Negligence can stem from parents' subconscious beliefs in the way that they parent due to how they were raised.
It is so harmful to not be blatantly communicative to the people you supposedly love. To express adoration, to gift give, to celebrate birthdays and holidays with excitement and them in mind.
Being assumptive is getting so fucking old.
And keeping the same people around that you will never value is also very fucking gross. You should probably tell them that the reason you hate everything they do, and that you don't want to celebrate them, is because you fucking hate them.
Or maybe you hate yourself.
The people that disrespect customer service workers, albeit a hostage situation for sure, are so miserable with their lives that taking it out on anyone gives them the gas they need to fuel the fire that burns down the weeds in the paths to their own personal hells.
Ya mama. I do not care about your ominous hateful attitude, and I promise all of my disrespect is conscious and directed. And if it's not then I promise you are just a steppingstone. Love you though. Stay hydrated.
[Image Description: OP's, two out of many, family members looking out onto the lake that they currently have their feet in. One is a statuesque twenty something year old with the coolest shades on, the blousiest swimsuit top I think I have ever witnessed on, and cargo short shorts a dookie color. She is gorgeous and very much loved and I miss her and her temperamental hair and frankly mind. The other person is a toddler, hair "too long" for a boy, caramel back, swim diaper protruding out of his turquoise swim shorts. Hands outstretched, thriving and basking in life more and more each day. Balder now, taller, and potty trained. We love that for him. I do own the rights to this picture as it is my family. THANK YOU.]