Take your own advice.
This is a fun response to a loser. But when that loser is who is looking back at you in the mirror, you become stumped on what else you could say. What patience I do have is used on surviving, most times. I find myself so annoying.
I read Get Out of Your Own Way by Russ Vitale and one of the many crucial points that he made in the inspirational fast paced read was that seeking outside validation from other people is absolutely the wrong thing to do. I'm paraphrasing exponentially, but I couldn't say it better than saying that caring about how others perceive you is a fucking plague.
I find hypocrisy between the lines of my works quite often.
"I don't let a man dictate my self image." I absolutely do when he pushes love into me and pulls out as soon as I let my guard down and start enjoying his company. When the words coming out of his mouth don't match what I see behind his eyes.
"I am the least judgmental person you'll ever meet." Want in on a little secret? One of my favorite ways to start a conversation is, "Hey can I be ugly for a second?" and then I cringe at a detail about a person just for no good reason at all. It is exhausting being this multifaceted. I do adore being this transparent, though. So that's a relief.
"I give myself the grace and respect that not only my friends and family deserve to see, but I deserve to give myself as well." I hate this bitch in my head. She cannot do shit right. She throws temper tantrums and gets caught up in debilitating sadness over such temporary problems. I went to school the day after my mom died calling it a distraction. I moved out of state four months after realizing I wasn't going back to college. I let grimy hands caress my skin because I just can't wait to have the slightest sliver of respect and decency in myself to wait for my person. EXPRESS ship them to me immediately, I am tired of waiting. Picture me with my chubby brown hand outstretched in the air, letting my fingers audibly smack my palm in a motion suggesting you physically hand something to me.
Let's talk about gluttony!!!!! I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Heavily inspired by the passive aggressive comments on TikTok videos of people of various shapes and sizes eating absurd amounts of food. I want to shoot a disclaimer to the next words I say: keep the same energy regarding gluttony for skinny people as much as you love to throw that world at fat people (don't you dare use the imagery in your pea sized brain to picture a morbidly obese person shoveling food into their mouth, I will kick you in the throat without hesitation, try me). Gluttony is a picture book, not a defining picture in some no name dictionary. Gluttony can honestly be described in laymen's terms as the opposite of gratitude. People who are gluttonous take and take and take and a thank you would never flash through their eyes let alone spill from their lips. People can be gluttonous in love. And if you are not picking up what I am putting down at this point, I am simply not for you.
As a Libra Moon, not being everyone's cup of tea grinds my gears. Guess what I notice? The guy that swiped on me on Tinder, and with a swift motion, studied my photos and had some aforementioned thought about this bitch kinda being uggo, and then unmatching with me. I see you pop up and disappear. I notice the Quick Adds on Snapchat and the quick unadding of me when you watch my stories and see what I look like or how I post. Thanks for saying an Irish goodbye, because God forbid you direct message me with your snake tongue words, but I saw you boy. Quit playing in my face and expecting me to not see it.
I do not default see ugliness in people. You can be exponentially contrasting from what society has deemed as beautiful, and I'll put duct tape on society's mouth so fast and tell them to get bent before I ever let "you're ugly" leave my own mouth. So when people (ANYONE) don't display the same kind of kindness, I kind of am just scratching my head in confusion over it. Who told you telling people they were ugly was cool? Some of us need to go to elementary school 2.0 and learn basic fucking decency. And then level up, where individuality and neutrality is splatter painted across the walls and chanted and thrown off the rooftops and stretched across school merchandise.
Get educated.
I am not asking you to adore me. My hostility towards people not liking me runs deep, and I fight to correct that shit every waking day. It is absolutely a me problem. It. Will. Never. Be. About. You. When. It. Comes. Down. To. Me. My transparency is not an invitation to disrespect or enter my life without consent.
I feel bad for Mia Khalifa. As much as I firmly believe that she herself would not want me to, I do have a little soft spot for her. I will forever be flabbergasted at the entitlement a supposed fan had over her body in public. They touched her body! Happened at, if I can recall correctly, an airport. Because in their crooked, repulsive brain they somehow believed that just because they've seen her naked body they had the right to touch it. If that doesn't make your mouth drop in shock, you are not my type of person.
The general population will never understand how sensual, respected, and healthy sex work can be. It can be incredibly healing. I don't know about you but having that powerful of a hold over your body, and being able to detach and understand your soul is separate from sex work, is so refreshing to see. This is my body. I might not have chosen to have this particular body, but to use it for financial gain to have financial peace in a private life that I frankly deserve? CLOCK it. Masterpiece.
Again, not everything is for you. AND AS LONG AS YOU ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE OR YOURSELF, YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. Leave public personas alone.
Being kind and minding your own business will always cost you nothing. I thank you for reading and send you kisses (don't make it weird).
[Image description: It is the dead of winter, there's a chubby 20 something year old quite literally having a tantrum on the cold, wet snowbank as she lays on the ground in her Stitch hoodie and tight pants. She's cute, she's relentless, but she in turn also has way too many undiagnosed mental disorders going on or something. She would get help if she could muster up the courage to prioritize her mental health. But with a record of bouncing back from these deep, dark places, I will bookmark that. I think I am the soundest I have been in a while. Although I do have a plethora of personal problems that would induce a migraine for most. I will also probably never muster up the courage to specify to the extent of basically broadcasting my poopoo caca to the world or really stapling that digital footprint in there. If you all would like to know some of my chisme just read between the lines. Alright, go eat something and buy a boxing punch bag.]