i thought getting over someone would be easier
but what happens when the person is getting over you
it's a wild concept to think that someone has the audacity to discredit me
and it's harder to fathom that they’re the only person that matters in order to be happy
dying inside doesn't touch the swelling of rejection
staying in their life is out of the question
but the sole purpose of getting out of their lives is to preserve their satisfaction
but what about mine
what about the hole in my heart that is left for you
what about all the things we've been through
clearly it mattered more in your head
because i am the one who is dwelling instead
i am dwelling on the rejection
why couldn't i get your acception
you gave up on me
you made me believe i couldn't breathe
these halls that i walk through are empty
but the halls in my mind are congested; they're never free
but i'd give everything to just feel one ounce of freedom
of liberty and the “right to pursue” anything else but you
but here's the thing
i need to pursue this person
this person isn't a person at all, but it is constant changing
this person is confidence
this person is serendipity
this person is certainty
they all don't want me
and it's what i need in order to just be
in order to live happily
but my throat feels narrow
and my breaths are shallow
and my skin feels filthy
and my eyes feel strained
my body can tell that my mind is pained
after all, i can't breathe
i can't see
my feet
slip from under me
or they don't but that's how i feel the minute anyone wants to be close to me
i want to flee
because my head can't wrap myself around the thought
that the company they brought
could be temporary
and maybe they don't see me at all
they don't see me fall
they don't see me crawl
towards everything that i've dreamed of
but my dreams aren't like anyone else's
so i should just throw them out
i feel the energy in the room
i see the people who bloom
and the people who don't
and my eyes feel like they're going to roll back
because my thoughts can't catch any slack
it's hard to stay on track
of a path and a dream that is solely mine
but somewhere in me i know that i would be nothing without feeling love for everybody
but then i blur the lines of friendships and relationships
i can't tell the difference between a forever and a temporary
and i trip
and then air becomes inexistent
but that's my glue
i can't feel new
but it's you
and you grew
please leave me behind
so that you can grow more
you can live in this world
and i cannot
if i could fly
i would say goodbye
because time doesn't lie
it let's me know that I'm running out of it
i want to be like time and run out
i cannot reroute
but if there is something that I do not doubt
it's the overwhelming waiting game
that i don't want to play
what am I waiting for
i shatter as i ponder
i cannot stay
but maybe
i find myself trembling
because life's not a tragedy
but a beautiful reliability
and it's not something to get over
[Picture is of me; I did a backyard photoshoot with my best friend and our friend. I wanted to do it primarily because I wasn't feeling pretty and I forgot how it felt, almost. Anyway, I've always loved photoshoots with closed eyes, scenery, and lack of darkness along with the person feeling the most beautiful that they can. So here's my shot at being who I wanted and although that scares me, it's all that matters]